Originally, I had planned to write about travel for today. However, I hit a little wall again and couldn’t find it in me to finish these posts for a few days. When I confessed this to my wise-beyond-her-years daughter, she suggested writing about “trying a little bit.”
Boom. That’s exactly what I need to do right now. Just try a little bit.
Life has been … hard. I can’t really find a better word. Maybe complicated would work. After months of caring for my dad* on hospice, I’m mentally and physically lagging. Of course, I’m still working on everything I can for my health (see A-S and later letters), but it’s predictably one of the most difficult times of my life.
(*Splitting primary care with my sister and having a lot of regular family and friend help.)
My sweet dad is 96-years-old and has lived a phenomenal life. He is well-loved and deserves the very best, most dignified treatment in his final months. I believe we are giving him that – and doing a really good job at it. For myself, though, I also have to work full-time. My “shifts” at dad’s are overnight (after work until morning) and parts of most weekends. I’m not seeing my husband, my dogs, or my home very often. And I’m working daily on telling my beloved father goodbye.
I know what you are thinking: that’s enough! Take care of yourself! Don’t do anything more! While I understand that sentiment and partly agree, my life feels on hold, especially with the the things that give me peace of mind: gardening, home projects, reading, writing. This blog, for example – I know I feel better when I write, but I also hit walls where I can’t think for one more second of the day.
So, I’m trying to find the balancing act of what helps me without feeling like an obligation. What brings me joy and soothes my mind without causing yet another tasks to pop on the list.
This is where trying a little bit comes in.
Have I started all of my seeds for my garden (which should get started in about 2-3 weeks)? Not even close. I started two things: broccoli and eggplants. I killed the broccoli the first day I put them outside. I still have high hopes for the eggplant. The tomatoes, peppers, and other early starts are just going to have to be started when I feel like I can try just a little.
Writing blog posts? It’s happening now. It might not continue to happen as planned. They might not be very good. That’s ok. I’ll try a little and call it good.
When I haven’t seen my husband in two weeks, he drives 40 minutes to my office and we have lunch, sitting in the car and talking like we are dating. It’s fun. It’s not what either of us would rather be doing (napping being the correct answer there), but we are trying to do a little something and that keeps us going.
If you are overwhelmed or just depressed, give it a shot. Try a little bit and see what happens.